The Stig Facts
כולם כבר בטח מכירים את צ’אק נוריס ואת וין דיזל ואפילו את ג’ק באואר אבל כמה מכירים בגדולתו של The Stig. איש חביב זה, שעושה סיבובים קבועים סביב מסלול המירוצים של Top Gear, לפחות יותר מצחיק משלושתם ביחד. אז אספתי כמה “דברים שאומרים” עליו. אבל כל מה שאנחנו יודעים בביטחון הוא שהוא נקרא “The Stig”.
Some say he is powered by a warp core, and he has tire marks instead of fingerprints.
Some say that God invented rain because Stig needed a new challenge and as he drives, he lactates slightly.
Some say that he has been banned from every country, including Mars for wearing away the roads and that his favourite drink is petrol.
Some say he created eBay, and that he was washed up on Branscombe Beach.
Some say he likes brussel sprouts, and that he is Big Brother.
Some say that he’s an avid fan of South West Trains, and that he likes to put British Airways on strike.
Some say he created Sudoku for kicks and can build 0-60 prisons in 3.5 seconds.
Some say he was found in a strange glowing pod recovered from a crater on Exmoor and that he can turn milk to cheese just by glaring at it.
Some say his overalls are white because he outran the colours, and that Einstein would have rethought his theory of relativity had he met met him.
Some say that he was the original Teletubby and that on the seventh day it was because of his perfected cornering that God needed to rest.
Some say his eyes are headlights, and that his rear end is a turbocharger.
Some say that if you tune a radio in to exactly 88.4FM you can hear his thoughts and that his blood type is unleaded.
Some say that he urinates petrol and that he burnt down ITV with a broken Mini Cooper.
Some say that he drives an ice cream truck covered in children’s skulls, and that he can slam a revolving door.
Some say he’s terrified of ducks and that an airport in Russia is named after him.
Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he is banned from the city of Chichester.
Some say, if he wasn’t wearing that suit, he’d glow red, and that he was once the target of numerous bounty hunters in Siberia.
Some say ae was born in space and that he forages for wolves at night.
Some say he has no fear and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals.
Some say he does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down (a reference to the The Matrix).
Some say his skin has the texture of dolphins and that he is scared of bells.
Some say he once punched a horse to the ground and that his politics are terrifying.
Some say he lives in a tree and that he likes DragonBoarder.
Some say he was raised by wolves and that he appears on high-value stamps in Sweden.
Some say his favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant and that he has no understanding of clouds.
Some say his earwax tastes like Turkish Delight and that he is confused by stairs.
Some say he naturally faces magnetic north and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.
Some say his heart ticks like a watch and that all his legs are hydraulic.
Some say he can “accumbularate” and that he appears on Japanese banknotes.
Some say his breath smells of magnesium and that he can catch fish with his tongue.
Some say his tears are adhesive and that if set alight, he’d burn for a thousand days.
Some say he has two sets of knees and that he can swim seven lengths underwater.
Some say he has webbed buttocks and that he can melt concrete on contact.
Some say he is more machine than man and that his heart is in upside down.
Some say his teeth glow in the dark and that his favorite food is raw meat.
Some say he has no age and that he blinks the other way.
Some say he has acid for blood and that Jimmy Carter wants him dead.
Some say he has a bionic arm and that he has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh.
Some say he is wanted by the CIA and sleeps upside down like a bat.
Some say he is not machine washable and all his potted plants are called Steve.
Some say he has 2 sets of knees and recently bought a dented Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh.
Some say that if he were to race himself in a parallel universe, he would win.
Some say he had to apply to the government for a concealed weapon license before he could legally wear pants and that beneath his helmet is another, slightly smaller helmet.
Some say he can control other people’s cars with his mind.
Some say that his heart beats faster than a turbo charged v16 engine and that he has rocket fuel for blood.
Some say he never leave’s Britain, and that if he did his ears would explode.
Some say that if you lick his chest it tastes exactly like piccalilli and at this week Brit awards he was arrested for goosing Russel Brown.
Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks and that his helmet is modeled on Britney Spears’ head.
Some say he was in a knife fight with Anthier Turner and that he is no way implicated in the cash for honors scandal.
Some say that his first name really is “The” and that if he went on celebrity love island they would all become pregnant including the cameraman.
Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin like a snake and that for some reason he is alergic to the Dutch.
Some say he invented branstone pickle and if you insult his mother he will headbutt you in the chest.
Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nurenburg Ring and if you give him a really important job to do he’ll skive off and play croquet.
Some say his ears have a pazely lining and he’s been banned from the Chelsie flower show.
Some say that his genitles are on upside down and if he can be bothered he can crack the Da Vinchi Code in 43 seconds.
Some say that his ears are not exactly where you’d expect them to be and that he once had an affair with John Prescott.
Some say he has no eyeballs and if he took his helmet off all the cars in the world would blow up.
Some say his kids look like fish, and when he burps he grows 3cm.
Some say he lives on a diet of bolts and if someone punches him he stops them with a forcefield.
Some say he once punched out an old man for his 1954 Kaiser Darrin 161 roadster, and that his helmet was the inspiration for the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers’ costume.
Some say that his feet really are made of lead, and that if you rearrange the letters in his name, it spells “Get this!”.
Some people say, that he uses oily rags in the toilet, and that if he had been driving Dianas car, not only would she still be here, she’d be able to fly.
When America went looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq all they found was The Stig doing donuts
Some say that his skin is purely carbon fibre and that he is the only person in the known world that can spell the word ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’
Some say that he is actually god, and that he created the Honda brand so everybody could laugh at it.
Some say that that he has never eaten a vegetable in his life, others that he doesn’t even know what they are.
Some say that he only eats what he kills, and he only kills with what he drives.
Some say that his visor allows him to see 0.5s into the future and that to remove his racing suit, you’d need to use a chainsaw… made of kryptonite.
Some say his snore makes the same sound as a Ferrari Enzo and that he once stole the wheels off James Bond’s Aston Martin.
Some say that he thought Star Wars was a documentary, and that he recently pulled out of I’m A Celebrity because he is scared of trees… and Australia… and Koo Stark… and Ant… and Dec.
Some say that he is a cross between an alien and a human, and that he has a house on the planet Mars.
Some say he only knows two facts about ducks. And both of them are wrong.
Some say he is neither male or female but is a unique mixture and that his teeth glow in the dark.
Some say he was brought up in Africa by a herd of Cheetas
Some say he pees 98RON petrol, and is considered more valuable than platinum.
Some say he can smell corners and has named every blade of grass around the top gear test track.
Some say he has won an olympic gold medal for eating the most soggy cheerios in a bowl and that he made love to a Volvo 240.
Some say the Halo series of games are based on his early life and that he scared the Kraken.
Some say he’s a robot made from recycled racing cars and if he kissed a frog it would turn into a v8.
Some say his hair glows when he drinks ginger ale and that he once made a phone call… without using a phone.
All Your Base Are Belong to the Stig.
Some say he could win a fight against Chuck Norris, and his nipples can cut glass.
The Stig and Chuck Norris once had an intergalactic fight ending in The Big Bang.
ואז מצאתי את האתר הזה.
Posted in Memes and Stuff by Eran with comments disabled.