The Trouble with AuDHD

Get this, of all the prescription drugs we buy regularly (and there are quite a few), of all the medicine that like while the doctor’s note to buy, the hardest one to get is methylphenidate (a.k.a Ritalin), the one that treats ADHD. By hard to get I mean I can only buy one pack, a month’s supply, I have to do it on a specific day, only I can do it, because they require ID, that they photocopy every time. Are you following? The drug that is supposed to help people with attention disorders, with executive dysfunction issues, with a serious problem of just generating enough motivation to do anything, even things they know are good for them, sometimes even things that make them happy, is the most difficult thing to buy. How the fuck does that make sense?


Posted in No Category and tagged , by with comments disabled.

What’s is like being me?

It’s spending two hours drinking calm tea, laying back, breathing, meditating so I can calm my heart rate and the general anxiety enough to actually have a day. It’s sitting down to write, that I love to do, staring at the heading, knowing what needs to go under it, having ten more ideas and being unable to move my fingers. It’s looking at another project I love, at something easy to do for it, something that might get more eyes on it, and just closing it because I can’t bring myself to. It’s being unable to be productive and then not allowing myself to do relaxing, fun, energetic things because I wasn’t productive enough yet. It’s knowing that walking down a path will just be a net good for me and that I can stop whenever it’s too much but being unable to take the first step. It’s liking a very minimalistic, strictly ordered environment while the inside of my brain is a dark mess of sharp broken pieces of trepidation and phobias.


Posted in No Category and tagged , by with comments disabled.