Letter to Dana

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From: norsh@gmail.com

To: danalev@gmail.com

Subject: Letter to Dana

BH

“Dana, my darling, I’m writing to you…”

Sorry, you know I’ll always love that song. So, how are things back home? I hope my parents are treating you well. I apologize in advance for writing in English. The terminals here don’t have a Hebrew interface. How are your studies going along? I hope you’re not making it too difficult on your teachers. And tell David he owes me 10 nis. He’ll know what it is about.
Anyway, just so you’ll know what’s going on with me. It’s been about 4 months since I arrived and I’ve been etching for something real to do. I won’t say the training here isn’t interesting but I thought we’d get to extend our gifts or something. I thought we’ll get some action. All we got was a wrinkled old stooge named Ling Sau.
He’s not 70 or anything, though he looks very close. He’s not chinesse either. Morin, our group supervisor says it’s our assignment to make sure he doesn’t do anything I’d regret later. From his attempt at contact with the first woman he saw, I suspect his manners were misplaced sometime in the century before last. After one girl scowled at his rudeness, I tried suggesting he’ll be more tactful and sensitive. He raved on about woman as material possessions. Truly disgusting.
Next, he tried to escape through a bathroom window. The bastard didn’t even bother flushing. Can you believe that? I ended up chasing him on foot on the road to town. Morin and Jarrod (You know, the guy I told you about) came with an SUV and we intercepted him. I was ready to break his bones for his insults and for that girl in the common room but Morin just threatened him with a boat of somekind and we took him back to lunch.
Apparently, all this guy can eat are fish and I practically had to teach him like a toddler that eating is in the dining hall and not the kitchen. At least, I kept him from upsetting the chef. He asked for sticks to eat with. Sticks. So I made him some. He didn’t seem to like them and made that face of his but at least we survived through that. I stopped him from taking most of the items from the kitchen but I needed help from a gifted girl to make sure. Don’t worry, it was only telepathy.
I woke up the next day at about 7am to find my alarm clock dead and my bag opened. In my unit you would have gotten double guard duty and double time on the monitor for something like that. I got up and went to give him a peice of my mind. All I found in the kitchen was the chef, angry about someone taking his can opener. I went to ask Morin if she can find out where he is and if he left the compound.
With help from security cameras, I found him on the roof. The imbicile tied a pirate flag to the main flag-pole. I asked him nicely to come down with that flag. Then I asked not so nicely. When he wouldn’t come down, I manifested a Tazer (Yes, it works) and electrified the pole. The idiot went down but it wasn’t enough for him so I hit him again. It seemed to be the only thing to make him stop his annoyance for even a few seconds.
When he wanted my Tazer, I told him I’ll give it to him if he came down with me. He agreed so I took out the battery and gave it to him. He tried it on me and was annoyed that it didn’t work. I ignored the tazer and it disintegrated. I took him down to Morin and Jarrod and she threatened him with his boat again.
He seemed to like boats and water so we took him out to the pond. He made a very poor paper boat which I outdid with my own paper canoe (Did I show you how to make one, yet?). When that failed to interest him Morin suggested we take him to town. I thought it was a bad idea. I didn’t know much about this guy but I knew he was bad news. Letting him loose on the public, even under supervision would have been a bad idea. But Morin insisted. Intently. So Jarrod and me took him to town. The joker insisted on a red Bug and I didn’t have the strength to argue.
We tried first at the public pool for he told me his gift was to swim better and there I had to show him again what society meant. In this case, a bathing suit and that there are specific places for putting it on and taking it off. Apparently he didn’t like the idea of cholrine. Which I think is rather odd, considering he claimes to be a good swimmer. After resolving that, Jarrod suggested we go see a movie. I thought this to be a bad idea because I knew 5-year-old kids, which were quite similiar in character, and they couldn’t hold still for the time a movie demanded. For lack of options, we tried it.
On the way over, I thought I saw a familiar car in the rearview mirror. I made a mental note but discharged at the moment. Upon asking Jarrod about it, he ‘said’ he didn’t notice anything so I left it alone. Apparently, the movie was a good idea. He loved it. At least, it kept him quiet for a couple of hours. Aeon Flux is a cool action flick but I’d wait for DVD.
On the way out he complained about blipping which I didn’t know, for the love of God, what he meant. He said it was coming from Jarrod who searched his clothes to find some kind of homing beacon. I switched it off, in mind to give it to Morin for an opinion. Returning to Shiva I also noticed that familiar car again. I didn’t do anything for a wise man once said… You know. You can have my copy of Art of War whenever you want to know everything he said. I told myself I should at least inform Morin.
Next morning, I woke up to find mustard in my shoes. That really did it for me. With all comeliness aside, I went out to face him on that stupid hammok of his. He somehow got some knives and managed to fend me from choking him but I manifested a machete to cut one end of the hammok. Hoping that pissed him as much as he pissed me, I left the knife in the grass to vaporize.
A bit later, we had to keep him busy. Seeing that movies did it, we sat him infront of a tv and Jarrod showed him ‘The Sound of Music’ while I picked up a spare guitar to see if I can unload some clenched nerves. When I couldn’t take anymore, I went up hoping the Bible will help me get my mind off of this mess of a first assignment. I always find something soothing or intelligent in the book.
When evening came, Morin suggested we take him out again. I was extremely against it but Morin insisted. I could see in her eyes that it would be in my best interest to do so. We did so. We took him shopping. I told him to take anything he can fit only his two palms. Apparently it was quite a lot. After removing sharp objects and trouble with the theft detectors, we managed to get out.
We were tailed and I turned around and tried to follow the tail which elueded me. So I turned back to Shiva. Out of nowhere, there was this section of construction in the road. I put it in reverse but there was a black car blocking our way. I went out to talk to them and Bling Bling took it as he que to flee. Jarrod went after him so I thought it ok to leave them to it. Two of the four suits that came out of the car gave chase but I thought it better to get some information about my adversary before engaging them.
They told me very little. Only that their boss wants to talk to us. I tried to follow through but they didn’t want to reveal too much. I told them that when they had something concrete to give me, I’ll think about it, and went after my two ‘classmates’.
That was when I got some real exercise. One suit put his hand on my shoulder so I elbowed him in the nose. The other coward shot me but don’t worry, it only grazed my shoulder. I turned around and palmed the first one in the nose and he went down. I saw the gun in the other one’s hand so, without any pleasentries, I closed the distance and palmed him in the face too. He was dazed and so I tried to wrestle the gun free from him. He kicked me in the stomach and it hurt but I came back and roundhoused his slimy buttocks. Another palm to face sent him down. It was awesome. You should have seen it. It was exactly like that one time we were almost mugged on the pier.
The radio on one of them clicked on and called for a Johnny. I told him Johnny was unavailable and asked if I could take a message. He asked where Johnny was and I told him that if I said Johnny was tied up, it would be wrong because I haven’t gotten to it yet. Well, it was funnier if you were there.
A short while later, I could already hear them, those two other goons, coming down the stairs of the building on my right. I quickly pocketed one driver’s liscence from my attackers and took the gun. When they came, I held them at gun point. One of them said that I couldn’t shoot them both. I proved him wrong and then ignored his ‘Ow, my leg’ screams while I made the other one lie down on the ground. I called Morin and the police. I gave the police a statement, the gun and the bullies and after that, Jarrod, Morin and me went to search for that scoundrel. Morin’s helicopter pilot found him and after some more threatning, which I found to be getting sort of pointless, we went back to Shiva.
Over lunch, I talked to Morin about the driver’s liscence and the tracking beacon and she said she’ll look into it. I vetoed a movie out and Jarrod just showed him some movies off the shelves. He didn’t seem to understand the concept of a silent film. I know what you’re thinking. _I_ simply don’t like them. He doesn’t even understand them.
That’s where I found it out. When Morin came in and asked me to make him stop humming on the radio receivers, I knew that’s what he could do. He must be able to receive and transmit radio signals. It’s kind of weird and the sneezing thing still bothers me.
As a solution for the problem, I chose the tazer again for that guy was really getting on my nerves. I then went for a run and Morin caught me on the way out. She suggested we go back to town, and see if we can get those guys, whoever they are, to follow us again, this time go along.

We went for another movie, this time a horror movie, and we took radios with us. When we left it, he complained about bipping again. This time trackers were on me and him. I said we should go around in circles and the bad guys will follow us. Bling Bling resisted so I showed him one the first things they teach you in Krav Maga, a reverse elbow grab, and forced him into the car.
After a short drive, he apparently called a policeman on the radio and I had to explain that he was the one wrong in the head, not us. Driving along, I noticed a tail again so I stopped on the side, let them pass, and followed them.
We got to a mall and parked. The goons went inside the mall and the second I got out, Bling Bling ran again. A sigh expressed everything. I thought that as long as they were inside, we could find them so I locked the car and went after Jarrod who already ran after Bling Bling. We caught him and forced him back into the car. Morin called to tell us of a disturbance in the mall. Actually, we could already hear the screaming. After a short standoff over the radio waves between him and Morin, I decided I don’t have time for this. I turned on the tracking beacons, placed them on the car and tossed the keys to Jarrod.
I walked to the elevators, manifesting my pistol, while Jarrod was again trying to force the monkey to come along. I just tazed him again to make him quite down. I apparently did it enough for he fainted. When we got to the first floor, we could see the disturbance, an even bigger monkey.
I naturally charged, hid behind a support column and fired at it. About 3 shots did nothing when Jarrod intervened. He used his shotgun impression on it and it got its attention. As the gorilla went after Jarrod I figured the pistol wouldn’t cut it so I switched to my Tavor. Manifesting it, I pumped a burst into it while it went into Jarrod. That burst put it down and the mime bothered with trying to tie it down. I saw only one solution and made sure the spitzer-point went through its whole cerebrum.
Then the weirdest thing happened. Well, I would’ve thought it weird half a year ago but not now. The gorilla started spasming and then changed into a man. Morin picked that moment to radio in for an update. I told her the disturbance has been taken cared and a pickup and a cleanup would be nice. When she arrived, we noticed that Bling Bling was gone. She radioed him and tried to threaten him to come back. I thought it better to let that heretic go away. As far away from me as possible becuase I don’t know what I’ll do to him if I see him again.
That’s where we called it a night and went back to base. As soon as I could, I sat down to write this letter.

I hope you’re life are more calm then mine and I hope that you will need to read my letters to get excitment in your life. :)
Say hello to everyone for me. And I’ll write you again as often as I can.

P.S. BTW, there’s a file on my parents’ computer called ‘R1-4096.rar’ if I remember correctly. Please send it to me to this address.
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“Paranoia is all fine and dandy but there’s a time and place for everything.”
— Guss
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