What’s is like being me?
It’s spending two hours drinking calm tea, laying back, breathing, meditating so I can calm my heart rate and the general anxiety enough to actually have a day.
It’s sitting down to write, that I love to do, staring at the heading, knowing what needs to go under it, having ten more ideas and being unable to move my fingers.
It’s looking at another project I love, at something easy to do for it, something that might get more eyes on it, and just closing it because I can’t bring myself to.
It’s being unable to be productive and then not allowing myself to do relaxing, fun, energetic things because I wasn’t productive enough yet.
It’s knowing that walking down a path will just be a net good for me and that I can stop whenever it’s too much but being unable to take the first step.
It’s liking a very minimalistic, strictly ordered environment while the inside of my brain is a dark mess of sharp broken pieces of trepidation and phobias.
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