Memo: Cursing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated. Therefore, a list of 18
new and innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper
exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.

TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a fucking bitch.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be shitting me!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won’t work.

TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I’m on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a prick.

Thank You, Human Resources


Posted in Memes and Stuff by with 4 comments.

Comments

  • מאץ' says:

    LOL. Yours?

  • עודד says:

    הכי מוצלח זה “I’ll try to schedule that”. זה בהחלט משהו שאני משתמש בו…

  • Eran says:

    חבר שלי שלח לי את זה. אני דווקא חושב שיותר מצחיק זה I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.

  • syga says:

    LOL these are pretty awesome,
    but they don’t always mesh quite well do they;

    “Really, I’m certain that isn’t feasible, Perhaps I can work late”
    lacks the … poetry of the … less refined form

    though I have to admit, I will relish the day when I get to tell someone
    “Excuse me, sir, I don’t think you understand, I love a challenge”
    right to his face BD